it's too hot outside to masturbate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
