I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
