he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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