it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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