genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
