so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
