i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
