Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
