just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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