I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Pooping to opera.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
