How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
