if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
