is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
