She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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