This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
