The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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