It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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