Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
