His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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