i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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