I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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