i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize