Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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