You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blood and glitter go together right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
