there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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