We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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