Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
