cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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