i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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