she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
