Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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