so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
there is glitter all over my balls
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