How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
