My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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