I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
