She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
