i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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