They should really pass out barf bags in church
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
