if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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