can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
