he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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