so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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