looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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