Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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