I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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