I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
