Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need a beard to bite.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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