The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
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