we made out on top of his cat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sobbing to NWA
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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