Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
