idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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