guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
