Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
