Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize