so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
