I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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