yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
