I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
