I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
