My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
