I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well you can't waste a boner
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
