they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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