you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
