I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
