This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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