i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
