you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
