why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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