if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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