Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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