I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Alive.
So much puke
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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