He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
