ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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