I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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