STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
