The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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