Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
