she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
