You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
