Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
