i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
