I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
