I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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